Harris's Funeral - Presentation Parish/Brighton, MA - work in progress

Chapter 3 – Harris’s Funeral (Revised1)

 

            Driving to Presentation Parish, she could only see the road through her teary eyelashes and her fogged up sunglasses.  She drove quickly and wondered about Harris’s family.  She drove out of the city up Storrow Drive.  She didn’t ever want to be on Memorial Drive again. So far, she had avoided it and she thought she could cross the river and get almost anywhere from the other side of the Charles River.

 Her thoughts wandered to their first few weeks together and the constant laughter. The beginning, like most beginnings was glorious.  She kept driving and tried to stay on the road, at the speed posted.  She maneuvered the intersection of Storrow and the service road by the ice rink.  Harris took her skating there.  Kate wondered if everywhere she went, she would be reminded of things that they did together.  The sharpness of the day and the harshness of the sun surprised her. 

When grief strikes so close to one’s heart, the simple tasks, the routine tasks take such effort, she thought.  She couldn’t recall much since the news of his murder.  She had dream-walked through her days.

Kate wore a black skirt, a black lacey t-shirt and of course, black tights and high heels.  She had on a black tailored jacket.  She wore no makeup, no lipstick and her hair straight, hid her face.  She was apprehensive.  She thought his family might blame her for his murder.

Kate thought about Harris’s family and the grief-stricken parents and brothers.  She hadn’t eaten and was so skittish driving, her mind wandered to the times of Harris’s life and to his funeral.  He was too young to be taken from them.

Kate had decided against going to the wake.  She couldn’t imagine seeing Harris laid out and if he was in open view, how strange would that be.  She knew that she would not attend the wake and she didn’t.  The funeral home was in Brighton Center on Washington Street, very near the church that she was driving to from one community on the river to the other.  Brighton was part of Boston and infamous for the Boston College parties, where Harris attended and played Division One Varsity Soccer.

She arrived at Presie, Presentation Parish, just on the line of Newton and up the hill from the neighborhood of triple-deckers and blue-collar workers.  She was familiar with this area and hadn’t been in the Parish since her childhood.  She loved the nuns, who lived next door and who polished the brass and dusted the areas.  The nuns washed and polished everything. 

She found a parking spot on the street, for a quick getaway if necessary.  Kate hated to be bogged in.  That held true for parking spots, crowds and it seemed she felt that way in relationships.  Being at the funeral and at this parish was not something that she could have anticipated.  She didn’t know how she felt.  She thought later on in the day she might try to figure out more about herself.

The church was empty, except for the priest, who was at the alter preparing for the service.  The priest had on a plain white robe and sash.  Two assistants helped him and moved quietly at the alter.  She watched, as the men went about their routine.  She was impressed at their exactness in the preparations.  Harris would have liked it, too.

She decided to stand by the back wall and tried to think about where she would fit in without being noticed.  She was there to pay her respects, only.  She had decided not to attend the dinner reception after the funeral and not to sit anywhere close to the front on the church. 

Her attention was drawn to one of Harris’s friends, who had come along beside her.  He gave her his sympathy.  That isn’t why she was at the church, but his words surprised her.  He softly told her how sorry he was that Harris was gone.  ‘Peace be with you.’

‘And, with you.  Thank you.’

Kate kept her sunglasses on to hide her tear-stained face and her red eyes.  She pulled her hair forward to cover herself.

Another friend came in with his wife, and walked right over to the side of the church where she stood.  She felt that the messages of sympathy and kind words should be saved for the parents.  She felt sad and guilty that some people were holding her and kissing her, when the family hadn’t arrived yet.

The fellow by her side, Brian Mahoney, directed her with his arm around her waist and back.  He led her to the second row of the church.  It was too close to the front and to the family.  Kate just couldn’t be there.  She hesitated and then she balked.  Brian told her that she should be in the front few rows. 

“Please move me back a bit.  This is too public.  I just can’t.”

He led her to the fifth row on the left side of the church. She was on the aisle in the center.  Much better, she thought.  She settled in.  He moved to the back of the church.

A moment later, one of the Investigators from the State Trooper Office stopped at her aisle and took her hand in his.  His gesture was so tender and quiet, that she began to weep.  Her tears flowed freely down her face, but Kate did not make a noise.

Kate did continue to receive kind words of sympathy from their friends and co-workers. 

Harris’s parents and family came into the church.  She could hear the hush of the crowd.  As she cried for him, the church had filled with people.  The family was prominent and Harris’s college friends, as well as his associates, were in attendance.  The pianist played a chord.

Everyone stood.

The pallbearers carried him in, young, tall and handsome, like Harris had been.  The coffin was shiny and the wood reflected the light of the simple church.

As Harris was carried past her, her tears stopped.  She was surprised that she continued to breathe.  Harris, she knew, would become a memory and fade from her. Kate did think about how she would grow old and he would stay forever young.  In thinking about the ‘forever young’ she heard the song title.  She thought how trite some things become.  She thought how some truths become cliché and yet they are true.

She watched Harris’s mother, quiet and small.  She watched his father, who looked small, although he was not.  The music began and the priest spoke about the teachings of the Church.  The congregation stood and sat, prompted by the bells.  Kate also stood and sat.  She wondered if she should have come at all.

Harris’s older brother, Eddie, spoke about their childhood and spoke about their brotherly love and the life that they shared.  The churchgoers were held in the story.  Kate was held in the moment of hearing one brother talk about the other.  She felt the loss that Harris’s family must be feeling.

 She looked up.  The ceiling had a blue mural with the face of Jesus looking down.  Kate kept her eyes up to the mural and to the kind eyes and face of Jesus.  She felt better that Harris was with Jesus and that the sorrows of his life had come to an end.

The service ended with music and the slow procession of the pallbearers carrying Harris’s coffin out of the church.  Some in the crowd cried.  Kate had done her crying earlier and kept herself quiet.  She listened.

As the family walked out of the church behind Harris’s casket, walking behind their adored son and brother, she watched them.  She thought about returning home.  As she left the darkness of the church and went into the open sunlight of the day, Harris’s father approached her and told her how much she meant to his son.

“You meant so much to Harris.  He loved you very much. I wish you…”  His thoughts were not completed and his voice was strained.  Kate didn’t know how to help him.  She repeated how sorry she was and wished the family peace.

“Thank you, Kate.  I know everyone loved Harris.” His father said.

Kate didn’t know how to respond.  She started to give her sympathy again and she started to reply that she loved him, as well.  His Dad didn’t wait on the response, but quickly returned to his wife.  They were greeted by some relatives and got into the limo.  She could see Harris’s mother’s head bent over and her smallness became unbearable.  Kate decided to drive home.

The drive back was less anxious.  She thought about her decision to attend and was satisfied that it had been the right thing to do.

   Kate knew that this day, Harris’s funeral, would be the end of a major part of her life. 

She drove up to her apartment.  As she sorted out her things to go in, she thought about him.  She kept seeing his smiling face and his pale blue eyes.  She recalled his boisterous ways, his excitement about doing everything..  Kate looked up at the steep stairs, and remembered the times they walked up those stairs together.  She began to walk up the stairs, holding on to the rail and maneuvering herself to the landing and up again to the third level.  She hoped that being inside would give her some relief and repose.  It was not to be.

She thought she should read for the rest of the afternoon.  She could not read.  She could not cook for herself.  She could not talk to anyone.  She sat on her couch.  She sat on the edge of her bed.  She was unable to move or to do anything in particular.

Maybe she should have gone to the cemetery.  She was so at odds with everything.  She was at odds with herself.  No one came by and no one called her.

Time passed.  The day ended.

Night was upon her before she realized it.  Harris’s untimely death and his murder consumed her.  She was hopeful that his case would not become a cold case.  Kate would keep a good eye on the investigation and prosecution of this case.  She did regret having left the DA’s Office. 

Why did she quit the Office?  Why was her timing off?  Kate wondered if she could follow the case through the media, only.  She wondered if one of the victim-witness staff would keep her filled in.  She thought of Brian, who had assisted her at the church.  He was easy-going and apt to take pity on her and share the inner workings on this case.  Kate did think about how her personal feelings could flip to the lawyer side of her thinking, on this day.  She felt that she wanted to help and she felt that as a former lover, she had complicated attachment to Harris and to his murder. 

Kate needed sleep.  Tomorrow would bring answers, she thought.  If not answers, Kate would find people to help her and she would stay on top things because she had to.  She had to finish this for Harris.  She needed answers and retribution.  She needed justice.